No matter where you live in the world, the Greenhouse Industry modellers have tailored the impacts of the global warming theory to provide everyone with their own custom-made climate catastrophe.

  For Australians, warming alone would be enough to get us worried as we are warm enough already. Some extra rain would be nice, and the warming scenario does suggest increased rainfall globally - but, you guessed it - not for Australia. The modellers have decreed that we will have more frequent and severe El Ninos, the harbinger of droughts. So while the rest of the world might get more rainfall, Australia will miss out. How convenient.

  How about Canadians, northern Europeans, and Russians? The Industry have a very special deal for you too. Your primary fear is not warming (you are too cold for that), but that of cooling. The prospect of climatic cooling freezes the heart of any Siberian peasant or Canadian farmer. But, sure enough, these very lands are now tipped to suffer an ice age!  It took a bit of jigging of the models to do it, but using the prospect of a failure of thermohaline ocean circulation in the North Atlantic, they claim that warmer waters in the Gulf Stream will cease to sink at the poles, causing the Gulf Stream to veer south and leave the whole North Atlantic in the grip of a frigid cold. A convoluted theory, but one which gets the desired result - a climate catastrophe designer-built just for those places which fear cooling much more than warming. That should very neatly remove any vested interest such people may have toward having a warmer world.

  For coastal communities who may be indifferent to warming or cooling, the Industry has them targeted too - sea levels rising to swamp them.  Little matter that there is no convincing evidence of any general sea level rise this century, the modellers have built this into their models anyway, and threaten coastal low lying countries with Noah's flood if they don't toe the green Kyoto line.

  Then we have those ancient cradles of civilisations - the vast river basin communities, like the Ganges basin in India, the Yangtze basin in China, the Indus basin of Pakistan etc., home to hundreds of millions of people dependent on sustained river flows for irrigation and occasional (and preferably modest) floods to fertilize the land. Also home to countries who have expressed little or no interest in Kyoto.  As special punishment, the Industry mandarins have recently devised a special double feature, just for them. The glaciers in the Himalayas will melt, they say, and this melt will cause catastrophic floods to descend upon those hapless millions. But that's not all. Once the floods have subsided with the glaciers gone, these people are still not off the hook. Floods will be followed by droughts as the rivers suffer reduced flows, turning these fertile basins into arid land. Nobody ever said the modellers were not creative.

  And the U.S.A.?  If you are American, ask yourself what climate catastrophe you dread the most, and sure enough, that is exactly the one which the Industry has in store for you. Bigger and deadlier tornadoes for you mid-westerners, bigger and deadlier hurricanes for you coastal dwellers, bigger floods for you farmers in the Mississippi/Missouri basins, even (God forbid) grey skies for the genteel folk of Los Angeles.

  And what of the British, whose climate gurus are more responsible than anyone for this hysteria? The British climate is so miserable, that any change must be for the better. But even here, the British psyche works against them as they are forever talking about the weather. And the modellers have now given them plenty to talk about - and thus plenty to fret about.

  The customised disaster scenarios do not just stop with changes to local climates. There are also those dreaded `impacts', so beloved of the fringe elements of the Greenhouse Industry.   For example, tropical diseases like Malaria have scourged millions of people since the dawn of time.   With warming, will these diseases spread beyond the tropics?   Yes, say the doomsayers.  What of deserts?  They will expand of course.  Of course.  Quite how diseases from the wet tropics can be expected to spread into the drying climates of expanding deserts is not explained.  But then, consistency was never one of the Industry's strong points.

  There is however one shining bright spot with carbon dioxide (CO2), the trace gas at the centre of the whole scare.   CO2 is a natural fertilizer to all plants, and its enhancement in the atmosphere will inevitably lead to greater biological productivity throughout the biological world. That's a hard one for the Industry spin doctors to contradict, but be assured they are working on it.  The last thing they want is for a benefit, any benefit, to be seen to flow from CO2 enhancement of the atmosphere.

  In summary, the Greenhouse industry has taken the climatic and related anxieties of every significant society in the world and structured the warming theory to deliver to each what they fear the most. Wherever you live, ask yourself what worries you most about the impact of climate and/or climate change on your life, and likely as not, that is exactly what the Greenhouse industry has painted for you.   Once you have been scared enough, the magic snake-oil cure is at hand - by embracing Kyoto and the economic decline which would follow in its wake.  Then we can all walk with shining eyes into the sunset of our liberty, entering the brave new world of Green bureaucratic control of every aspect of our personal lives.